Fic: Pure Tru Wuv (John/Rodney, badfic)
Monday, 20 March 2006 08:24![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xanphibianI'm frustrated with my writing, so I decided to write some badfic.
***
The first time John saw Rodney McKay, he didn't think much of him. But then after he got to know him a little, he began to see the pure true love. In fact, he soon realized that they were fated to be together.
So John gave him flowers. Which sent McKay to the infirmary with hives.
John tried to make it up to him by then Rodney was convinced that John was actually trying to kill him. Rodney tried to have John sent away, but since there was nowhere to send him to, he simply avoided him completely. Whenever Rodney saw John coming, he ran in the other direction.
"Man, it's hard to be with your one true love when he thinks you're out to get him," John thought. "I should send him a letter."
So John wrote all his feelings down in a letter, and asked Radek to deliver it to Rodney.
Radek left it on Rodney's desk, and it quickly was covered by stacks and stacks of wires, burned out crystals, three laptops, and some power bar wrappers.
John waited and waited for Rodney's reply but it never came. He got more and more depressed.
"Fine!" John said to himself. "If Rodney is going to ignore me even though I bared my heart to him, I'm going to hate him forever!"
So John set about doing that.
But then one day on a mission, Rodney got shot and John went crazy. He thought his beloved was going to die and therefore totally went insane and pretty much killed every bad guy around them with his bare hands. There was blood and gore and all kinds of insane crazy ninja stuff like that. John carried Rodney through the gate and was yelling for Carson as soon as he stepped through the wormhole.
Rodney is going to die and it's all my fault! John thought to himself.
Rodney was in the infirmary for weeks and John stayed by his side. He waited until Rodney was all better before leaving.
"Did I imagine it, or was crazy psycho Sheppard here while I was dying?" Rodney asked Carson.
"Oh, aye, lad, he held your hand and crooned love songs and begged you not to die because he loved you," Carson said.
"Er?" Rodney said.
"Yes, and now you should go find him and thank him!" Carson looked at him like he was stupid for not wanting to be with John.
"He tried to kill me!" Rodney protested. "Remember the deadly flower incident?"
Everyone in the infirmary snickered.
"Flowers are usually a big indicator of a romantic attraction!" a nurse said helpfully, peeking out from behind a curtain.
"Oh. Huh." Rodney was a genius, but sometimes he was kinda dumb about things.
Rodney tracked John down with a life signs detector. (He could have radioed and asked someone, but he wanted to use the gadget instead.)
John was slumped against a wall when Rodney found him in an abandoned part of the city.
"Hey," Rodney said softly.
John stood up as soon as he saw him, and tried straightening his rumpled clothes, but he was a mess. "Hi. You're, um, out." And looking good enough to kiss, he thought, but didn't say.
"Yeah, well, Carson told me to come find you and apologize for thinking you were trying to kill me all these months."
"Didn't you read my letter?" John asked, confused. "In it, I told you I was sorry about the flowers, and that I love you, and that I just want to spend the rest of my life for you."
Rodney eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure you're a guy?"
"What?"
"Flowers, love letters ... Why didn't you just get me drunk and molest me like a normal person?"
"Um ..."
Rodney eyed him some more and then suddenly had a breakthrough. "Oh! I know!"
"What?"
"You're just a total dork!"
John gave a shy grin and rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, yeah, maybe?"
"Totally! I should have seen this before. You're a dork! You're like this big military tough-guy dork!"
"Okay, okay. You don't have to keep saying it like that," John grumbled.
Rodney was silent and then slowly nodded. "Well, you're an attractive dork, at least."
John shuffled his feet a little and looked at the floor. "Um."
"Hey, wanna come back to my place? I have beer and porn. Maybe I can get you drunk, get you horny, and molest you!" Rodney was sure he was on to something.
John snickered. "Okay. That ... sounds like it'll work."
They only got about three feet into Rodney's quarters before John was all over Rodney.
"Hey!" Rodney protested. "I had a plan!"
"This is more expedient."
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER OMG.
***
The first time John saw Rodney McKay, he didn't think much of him. But then after he got to know him a little, he began to see the pure true love. In fact, he soon realized that they were fated to be together.
So John gave him flowers. Which sent McKay to the infirmary with hives.
John tried to make it up to him by then Rodney was convinced that John was actually trying to kill him. Rodney tried to have John sent away, but since there was nowhere to send him to, he simply avoided him completely. Whenever Rodney saw John coming, he ran in the other direction.
"Man, it's hard to be with your one true love when he thinks you're out to get him," John thought. "I should send him a letter."
So John wrote all his feelings down in a letter, and asked Radek to deliver it to Rodney.
Radek left it on Rodney's desk, and it quickly was covered by stacks and stacks of wires, burned out crystals, three laptops, and some power bar wrappers.
John waited and waited for Rodney's reply but it never came. He got more and more depressed.
"Fine!" John said to himself. "If Rodney is going to ignore me even though I bared my heart to him, I'm going to hate him forever!"
So John set about doing that.
But then one day on a mission, Rodney got shot and John went crazy. He thought his beloved was going to die and therefore totally went insane and pretty much killed every bad guy around them with his bare hands. There was blood and gore and all kinds of insane crazy ninja stuff like that. John carried Rodney through the gate and was yelling for Carson as soon as he stepped through the wormhole.
Rodney is going to die and it's all my fault! John thought to himself.
Rodney was in the infirmary for weeks and John stayed by his side. He waited until Rodney was all better before leaving.
"Did I imagine it, or was crazy psycho Sheppard here while I was dying?" Rodney asked Carson.
"Oh, aye, lad, he held your hand and crooned love songs and begged you not to die because he loved you," Carson said.
"Er?" Rodney said.
"Yes, and now you should go find him and thank him!" Carson looked at him like he was stupid for not wanting to be with John.
"He tried to kill me!" Rodney protested. "Remember the deadly flower incident?"
Everyone in the infirmary snickered.
"Flowers are usually a big indicator of a romantic attraction!" a nurse said helpfully, peeking out from behind a curtain.
"Oh. Huh." Rodney was a genius, but sometimes he was kinda dumb about things.
Rodney tracked John down with a life signs detector. (He could have radioed and asked someone, but he wanted to use the gadget instead.)
John was slumped against a wall when Rodney found him in an abandoned part of the city.
"Hey," Rodney said softly.
John stood up as soon as he saw him, and tried straightening his rumpled clothes, but he was a mess. "Hi. You're, um, out." And looking good enough to kiss, he thought, but didn't say.
"Yeah, well, Carson told me to come find you and apologize for thinking you were trying to kill me all these months."
"Didn't you read my letter?" John asked, confused. "In it, I told you I was sorry about the flowers, and that I love you, and that I just want to spend the rest of my life for you."
Rodney eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure you're a guy?"
"What?"
"Flowers, love letters ... Why didn't you just get me drunk and molest me like a normal person?"
"Um ..."
Rodney eyed him some more and then suddenly had a breakthrough. "Oh! I know!"
"What?"
"You're just a total dork!"
John gave a shy grin and rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, yeah, maybe?"
"Totally! I should have seen this before. You're a dork! You're like this big military tough-guy dork!"
"Okay, okay. You don't have to keep saying it like that," John grumbled.
Rodney was silent and then slowly nodded. "Well, you're an attractive dork, at least."
John shuffled his feet a little and looked at the floor. "Um."
"Hey, wanna come back to my place? I have beer and porn. Maybe I can get you drunk, get you horny, and molest you!" Rodney was sure he was on to something.
John snickered. "Okay. That ... sounds like it'll work."
They only got about three feet into Rodney's quarters before John was all over Rodney.
"Hey!" Rodney protested. "I had a plan!"
"This is more expedient."
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER OMG.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
2006-03-20 15:06 (UTC)My reaction to most genuine badfic BUT EXACTLY.
This, OTOH, is kinda awesome. Poor girly-dork John. *eg*
no subject
2006-03-20 15:20 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 15:10 (UTC)"Hey!" Rodney protested. "I had a plan!"
Oh, Rodney. How I love thee. And girly!John is adorkable :)
no subject
2006-03-20 15:20 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 15:36 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 15:50 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 15:37 (UTC)IT WON'T WORK.
no subject
2006-03-20 15:50 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 15:55 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 15:59 (UTC)that is just....REALLY BAD! lol!!
Sometimes, though, ya gotta get it OUTTA there man.
no subject
2006-03-20 16:20 (UTC)And then one of them gets pregnant because of Atlantis!Magic.
*facepalm* and I've only read about 10 SGA fanfics, too. LMAO this was genius, I loved it.
no subject
2006-03-20 16:26 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 16:28 (UTC)I don't know why, but this made me smile. As did this:
Rodney eyed him suspiciously. "Are you sure you're a guy?"
At least John didn't weep like a schoolgirl. Like so many other emasculated fan fiction characters I could name.
no subject
2006-03-20 16:53 (UTC)*sits and sings John's a dork*
good thing rodney has a grasp of things......sadly his method is my method get drunk and molest someone......ROFL
flowers *dies*
no subject
2006-03-20 17:39 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-20 18:30 (UTC)::choke::
OMG PURE TRU LUV 4 THIS FIC!!! U R THE BEST. RLY!!!111!!!!
no subject
2006-03-20 20:01 (UTC)I mean come on:
and can we forget...
I think you hit upon every over used device in the fandom and did so brilliantly.
I really think I love you.
INSANE CRAZY NINJA STUFF
2006-03-20 22:11 (UTC)Man, if I had a dime for every time I've thought that about any guy in any fic in any fandom...
no subject
2006-03-20 23:20 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-21 01:55 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-21 03:16 (UTC)My favorite line ever!! Bestest Bad!fic. ::Huggle:: It was sooooo damn funny
no subject
2006-03-21 03:47 (UTC)"Oh, aye, lad, he held your hand and crooned love songs and begged you not to die because he loved you," Carson said.
"Er?" Rodney said.
BWAH, HA. It's true Carson!
no subject
2006-03-21 05:37 (UTC)OMG SO BAD BUT SO GOOD!!11111 MCSHEP 4EVER AND EVER ELEVENTY TWENTY-SIX!111!!11
no subject
2006-03-21 11:13 (UTC)*falls over laughing* oh god, that sentence was almost killing me when i choked on my tea - thank you! *grins*
no subject
2006-03-21 18:06 (UTC)The Pure True Love abounds, man.
::encourages the badfic tendencies::
no subject
2006-03-30 17:17 (UTC)no subject
2006-03-30 17:27 (UTC)no subject
2006-04-01 04:18 (UTC)